The Man

Long ago...and far away, Tiffin and Cat lady got married. We all know that part. But not every one knows what came before. I was best man, so I had to go pick up my tux at Woodland. Since I am Ted, and have to use every restroom that I come within 30 feet of, I decided to go use the restroom while I waited. While I was takin' care of buisness, the doors opened and some one entered the stall next to me. Soon I heard the distinct thunderous voice of and angry African-American Male. He kept on yelling "Stop playing wiht the door!" (his kids were repeatedly messing with the handicap button.) So while I am washing my hands, These two young boys start talking to me. They were being nice and just asking questions, so I just talked to them while I was combing my hair(Ah...Hair...The good old days) All of a sudden, the dad starts yelling from the stall again, "Stop talking to me, I'm trying to crap!" I decided to take my leave and went for the paper towels.
His kids replyed, "we're not talkin' to you."
Dad: "You're not? Who you talkin' to then?"
Kids: "The Man."
Dad: "What Man? What he look like?"
Kids: "White."
Dad: "Damit, I warned you about the man. Never talk to The Man! He opress you if he get a chance!"
The kids turned to me as I was leaving and said in a friendly voice: "Dady says we can't talk to you cause you the man."
There went my hope for the future.

It was so bad, I swear God must have thought Tiffen and Cat lady were eating with me

There is just something wrong with our caffeteria. Today I went in for dinner and there were tables set up with hot-pans keeping food warm. Usually this might be a good sign. Nope..not today. They decided all they could do was warm up the worst of the week so that they could devote the entire kitchen to preparing a stinkin wedding meal. So I ate some green beans and carots that I had dished up before I fully realiazed the full extent of the crappiness of the food. The sticking meat was all fat. Seriously. You could pull out the barbecue rost beef and it was a glissning white throught 90% of it. So I ate my vegies because I knew nothing good to come from bringing my tray to the kitchen when I was that upset. Of course I was right. Not only did they feed us the worst food possible, the best food possible was around the corner, where we usually get our food.
VISION BLURRING>>>>TEMPERATURE RISING>>>(breath, Ted. Breath.) That was close. Just thinking about it almost sent my computer out the window.
So I went to Jack in the box. I sat infront of the stupid drivethrough speaker for ten minutes. TEN MINUTES! I don't ask for much. I just want someone to say something when I am waiting at a drive through. Does it take much to tell me your running behind. Explain to me. I am willing to listen. Just don't leave me sitting there without even acknowleging me! I left and went to Taco bell. Sure they use that spanish talk and you can't understand anything, but at least they say Hi.

I am not sure....

I had a hard time sleeping after a night of doing a whole lot of nothing, so I thought I would try to read a little of Tiffin's literary adaptation of the Yrrhec and Dog game. I got tired and decided I better get to bed before 1:00. Some time later, I got up and finished the rest of the story(Good job by the way). Well, Now it is 2:37 in the morning, and I realize I need something. I guess I have noticed it for a while. I need more friends, blogging friends that is. Too often I find myself feeling all bored. Either, I am in too much pain to concentrait on my homework, or I am actually feeling good and the last thing I want to do is spend that precious normalness on schoolwork.
So I sit here. I check the Drudgereport for something new. I look on my science and religious sites. I check homestar. Look at all the blogs. I watch Bernie Mac.(I am really starting to love that show). Yet, I stand unfulfilled. I can finish looking through the headlines within a half and hour. If there is something new on the Blogs, I can get through that very quickly. Yet, inbetween the tv shows I watch, I keep checking the net. I need more friends. I need more Blogs to look at. I know this isn't adressing the real problem. I don't even know what the real problem is. All I know is that I so desperatly want to be entertained.

Revisited

Man, that one guy really let himself go

More

If I could chose a sidekick

I knew he was after me! He is like Scott Irin and shit!

Ted's creature-nemesis:

The Dreaded JACK BAUER

'What creature will become your nemesis?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Happy Easter

Dear Friends,

If you have known me for a while, you know that I am not the type of person to try and force my faith on you every time we meet. Yet, in fear of offending you and turning you away, I know that I did not share it enough. However you choose to take this today, I feel as if I must share this with you.

I write this to you today to share the joy that I have in Christ Jesus. Many of you know that I did not always hold to this. In many cases, I was the worst among us, and in many ways, I am sure I still am. I am not writing to condemn you. I am not telling you to be good, live better lives. I am not saying that you need a better past. You do not need to look the same as everyone or act the same. You just need to know. I want you to know that Christ Jesus died for you. So that you could be pure, so the past could be forgotten, so you might never have fear death. This is attested to by his fulfillment of over 300 prophecies concerning his life and death. This is attested to by twelve fishermen, from the middle of nowhere, who changed the world with the message of Christ. The evidence is there, but I am not here to try to convince you with intellectual argument, but merely tell you, He is risen. My Friends, may God bless you on this Easter day with the joy and knowledge of Christ Jesus



Isaiah 25
6 On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare
a feast of rich food for all peoples,
a banquet of aged wine—
the best of meats and the finest of wines.
7 On this mountain he will destroy
the shroud that enfolds all peoples,
the sheet that covers all nations;
8 he will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
he will remove the disgrace of his people
from all the earth.
The LORD has spoken.
9 In that day they will say,
"Surely this is our God;
we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the LORD, we trusted in him;
let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."

Big Goose, Little Pond

The other weekend when my dad and sister was in town, we went out for chinese after church. When we pulled in the parking lot, there were a couple of women standing in the middle of my path. They saw us comming and moved out of the way to reveal the goose that was out enjoying the sunny day. He just stood there, ankle deep in his own little pond. We came somewhat close to him, but he must have felt protected since he was "in the water." he never moved.

A big one

People in England have actually hired two snippers to take out a giant rabit that is eating their vegetables. I really do not have much to say on this. I just thought it was great.

I should have listened to the Larry Lesson!!!

My Dad had a poetry reading in southern Indiana on Saturday, and He and my sister drove to STL to see me afterwards. Today, we decided to go to the zoo. It was sunny and 74 degrees. Great zoo day. We saw a whole bunch of lazy, sunbathing, animals. About 4:30, it started cooling off a little as the sun went behind the clouds. At this point, my dad was getting tired. We decided that we would hit the Bird House and then leave. It took us about ten minutes to get to the bird house. My sister had to use the restroom when we got there, so Dad and I waited another 10 minutes for her to walk their and back. Finally we got to go into the bird house. We were in there for about 10 minutes when the lady started yealling that the zoo was closing. As we left, She said we should hurry because a thunderstorm was commin' in.

We step outside, it's a lot darker and looks like it might rain. The temperature drops about 15 degrees in 10 minutes. Every minute we walk, the lightning bolts exponentialy increased. In the three minutes it takes to get to the front gate, we see 70-80 lightning bolts. We get through the gate and we're moving with this great mass of people.(It's like the "war of the worlds" and shit!) I see this stupid man as tall as Kato, with a kid on his shoulders. I make a joke to my dad that if we stay approximately 40 feet away from him, they would attract any bolt, but we would be out of the "range of effect." I feel one drop of rain and the wind suddenly picking up. I fear a possible trampling, so quickly lead my family across the road to the sidewalk were no is walking. This happens in the first minute, outside of the gates.

Once across the road, we power-walk up the hill, without anyone slowing us down. Within 10 seconds of being across the street, the wind immediatly started blowing even more. Dad is moving pretty quickly now. As the wind picks up further, Dad starts to jog. I smile and shake my head. Then, I looked up and notice that, right above us, there was a cloud expanding in all directions. I am intreaged for a moment. THEN I realize, we are walking into a pretty feirce wind, and THIS CLOUD IS ADVANCING BEYOND US, AGAINST THE WIND! This happens a minute and a half, outside the gates.

I take to Dad's cue and start to jog. I yell, "Come on Tasha, we got to go!" She stands there, just staring. Humor never escaping me in any situation, I yell as I run past her, "One of us has to survive! I'll give Mother your love!" That gets her attention. She follows. We run no more than 50 feet and this Great Wind rushes in; Tree brances are flying through the air; Marble sized hail starts peltin us. Widd-eyed, Dad turns around; I see his mouth move, but all I hear is wind; He is asking where my car is. I point it out, I unlock the doors, and jump in. Tasha and Dad are pounding on the doors, shaking the car back and forth. Stupid Hyundai's automatic door locks arn't working. I unlock the doors; They jump in. I realize that it wasn't them shaking the car!
This is two minutes outside the gates.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" Tasha and Dad are yelling. "I SAW IT ROTATING AND IT WAS COMMING DOWN! I floor it and wip out of my tight parking spot. The hail is now D-20 sized! I can literally see individual white gusts of wind 4 feet long. I wip a right, over the overpass and get almost to the other side. Someone is trying to cross the street and Traffic is backed up. I honk and my dad and sister are yelling at the drivers in front of us. I yell back to them. "KEEP YOUR EYES BEHIND US! WE MIGHT NEED TO GET OUT OF THE CAR AND GO UNDER THE OVERPASS!" This is 20 seconds since being in the car.

Finally the stupid lady moves. I drive like a mad man. The excitement is unbearable. I enjoy it emencelly. There is no time for fear, just action. I doge branches and trash cans blowing across the road. I notice that I had slipped into a mantra, wispering' Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me." Dad and Tasha follow suit. I yell out orders, "LOOK TO THE RIGHT. LET ME KNOW IF IT IS COMMING!" Barely able to see, I zigzag through horibly laid out intersections. I get stuck trying to make a left at Clayton. Traffic is pretty tight. I fly out and quickly merge, then duck down the street to the sem. My dad asks where we are going. I say the chapel basement.
This takes three minutes.

As I park the car, Dad yells, "DON"T WORRY ABOUT LOCKING THE DOORS, JUST RUN!"
He gets out and books over the muddy hill. Knowing my bad back, I run along side of the hill and cut over at the last second. Dad is in the church. I look back and Tasha is a ways back, covered in mud. I yell for her to come. She runs past me and into the chapel. My dad looks around and sees all the glass windows and yells, "WHERE ARE THE STAIRS! WHERE ARE THE STAIRS!" I point and he and tasha run down.

My buddy Andy had just come up from the stairs. I cleaned my glasses and filled him in. He was about to go outside and see what was happening. He told me the tv had said that there had been tornados all over town, but the storm was quickly moving to the north east, away from the sem. We looked outside, and it had greatly calmed down in the 10 seconds I had been inside.

We ended up okay. A tornado had formed above us, but it never touched ground.
My sister, covered in mud, and my dad, had burt into the basement where the symphony members were gathered after their Bach Concert. They told them the story, and everyone stayed in the basement for another 25 minutes. If I would have been covered in mud, and with dad and tasha when they ran downstairs, I would have yelled, "DID WE MISS IT? DID WE MISS THE CONCERT?"

"Well I know it will be alright, if I just get on the road. If I run I can free my troubled mind."

Life has been tough the last couple weeks. The back has been bad, got 3 papers and 4 tests within 4 days, I announced two people were dead at church and they really wern't. So then yesterday, the pebbles came back again for round 2. I will spare you the details just in case Kato is eating a sandwich. Anyways, had the pebbles in the morning. I went to the Depot to get a paint filter, captured about 40 rock babys to bring into the doc, went to class, then went to get my blood tested. When I got back, I realized that I they kept my doctor's information.

I tryed calling the blood guys today and they lost the info and could only tell me he was on Watson street. So after class today, I decided to go looking for the doctors office. All I had was the name of the street and a handful of other streets that I might have taken there the first time I went. I left at 3:30 and chose to go down Manchester. I drove about 3 miles until I realized that the office wasn't on Manchester, but off of Hampton. Instead of asking directions, I decided that I could find it myself. I drove for another 15-20 minutes and explored the suburbs of south Stl. I finnaly found Watson and headed south. I drove for another 15 minutes till I saw a Kohls.

I stoped and bought a tie and a shirt for 7 bucks. I asked the clerk if she knew where a Home Depot was. I told her that I was looking for a doctor's office that was near a big building, possibly a Depot. She asked me what the building looked like and I told her I had no idea of the building's description, name, nor any information on the Doctor's. All I knew was that I had something to drop off at a Doctor who was inside a building on Watson, and that building was somewhere near a bigger building and a fastfood place. (Just for the record, Watson is longer than 28th street.)

So she gave me direction to a Depot. I drove another 6 miles south on Watson, came to the Depot and realized that non of those buildings contained my doctor. So I turned around and went the other way. I passed the street that I turned from and kept my eye open for a big building. I started looking for a walmart and a Burger King. After about 30 different big buildings, I came across a Target and a Mc Donalds. I thought I must be near. I drove another 10 blocks until I noticed that the street name had changed. So I doubled back and found the stupid L shaped intersection that screwed me up.

I was looking for one of those large mirrod-glass buildings. After coming to the end of the street, I realized that It must have been the big Brown brick building that I had passed 10 mins earlier. So I turned around and got there 5 mins to close. I gave them my rock babies and was about to leave, when I though maybe I should get their card so I could find my way back the next time.

Noe one would think that such a long drive would have been horrible, but it was the most fun that I have had in weeks. It felt like I had just got my driver's licence. I din't know what the heck was going on. It took me 2 hrs to make a 10 min trip. I got to listen to Van Morrison's days like this and Coldplay's a rush to the head. It was 74 degrees out and sunny. After all that, I didn't even care that I had rock babies the day before.

I took something from him every time we met!

For some reason this got in my head today. Since Old Kato is right about me not posting too often. I thought I would give you something real authentic.

One day when I was working at Wards, I was trying to sell a television set to this couple. As I was talking to them. They allowed their child to run up and down my isles with his hands on my sign tracks, separateing, knocking off, my 4 peices of signery that was designated to each item. When he came near me, I would stop talking to the parents and tell the kid to please not do that because I had to straiten them afterwards. He looked at me and raised up his little jiggly puff toy and shook it in my face, then scowled.

Some days you just give up on the principle of the thing and just go with the flow. So, I rearanged all my signs, while I was helping the couple. Again, the kid came down and messed up one row of my signs. I said, "hey" really loud and asked him not to do it. The mom finally looked up and said the kids name....Once! After that, he proceeded to mess up the rest of my signs, all the while twirling his little Jiggly Puff around his head in a little victory dance.

I don't remember if the people bought the TV or not. With the way life was there, they probably didn't. Soon after they left, I went back to straighten my signs. I noticed something pink on the ground. It was that stupid little kid's Jiggly Puff. I snached it and threw it behind the counter. About 15 mins later, the kid comes back. I was done with my signs and was pretending to straighten up things behind the counter. I look up and He is standing there, calm as can be. (It took a little sorrow to mellow out his @$$ I guess.) He looks up with tear filled eyes and says "Say mister, have you seen a Jiggly Poof toy around here?" I reached my hand under the counter, palmed the "Poof," and held it close to me behind my back, just so I could feel victory a little closer. I said to him, "Son, I don't believe I know what a Jiggly Poof is..."
He iterupted, "It's my favorite toy. It's pink..."
I interupted, "Never Saw It!"

There is a lesson here. Be a good parent and your kid's favorite "Jiggly Poof" won't end up hanging as a trophy in some salesman's basement.

A new one!

Well, not an actual "New One" new one, but he's been stained with easy cheese enough to be close. It is Tiffen. He is the new add of the wee....whatever. He is the new add.

Sometimes it seems like everyone's against you

I want one that would go to taco bell with me

journey

Well, I am leaving this dirty town. It will be a hard Journey, but I am ready to go home.

Stringed

Pebbles

I woke up this morning and felt a little strange. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I did not think to much of it. I stumbled around and got the things I needed to bring down to the restroom for a shower. At that moment I decided I had to pee.

Now at the urinal, I proceeded and soon was under the impression that, although it looked like liquid, I was actually peeing molton magma. No big deal I thought. Must be a little dehidrated. With that thought in my head, all of a sudden I realized the flow had stoped but I still felt as if I was urinating. My God, something was blocking the passage way. I didn't have enough pressure to get it through. I realized I had a prostate infection and was once again experiencing the worst of it.

After drinking 64oz of water, and 35 minutes later, I was finally able to push the pebbles though. Another 49oz oz of water, and 4 hours later, I now feel violated and drained.

Ha! I should have thought of this long ago.